we broke up and he got another girl pregnant we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. April 9, 2012, 1:28 pm. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. Of course, there are adjustments to be made, but babies do not mean that all other relationships become secondary. When you have a child with someone you will have to deal with them FOREVER. Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. Ok, so this dude: Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. However, since the pregnant ex of the LWs ex seems to want the child and seems to know the guys take on it, it is apparently her decision to bring a child into that reality. The scapegoats arent really the point- women, minorities, the government, poor people, rich people- it doesnt really matter. April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . April 10, 2012, 7:09 pm. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. Call me crazy, but I dont see any partys reaction to this crazy. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. But its her body Well, department of labor clearly shows that statistically a man in a low-paying job is far more likely to die in a workplace accident over the course of 18 years than a woman over a normal pregnancy. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. He said this is not gonna ruin us, but Im unsure. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. But, you allowed him to call and you were hoping he had changed. But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Its just biological fact- unfair probably, but not something we can change. She has to go through a pregnancy no matter what (assuming she doesnt believe in abortion). As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. The female of the species carry the offspring. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. original. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. Yes, its shitty. We do know that the guy in question didnt use a condom (as you yourself pinted out elsewhere, LW would have def. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. Theres a fun scenario. You may think your partner was a good person, but that something was missing in the relationship. So the fact that none of your good friends have HIV (which is good to hear) doesnt necessarily mean that they are more capable of using a condom than the heterosexuals you know. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. And my opinion doesnt change whether youre prepared to have a kid. His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. Oops, it took so long that I thought my post was lost in space. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. 1. Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. never again! Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. female Now, the woman could want it and the dude not want it. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. Youre only asking for heartache down the road. Story. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. Nothing in the story suggests that the guy in question was, as you put it, indiscriminate in partner choice and/or birth control. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. Its not a complex procedure. You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. Government will go after him for either Medical Support and/or Child Support. There is no rhyme or reason. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. Get tested for an std too because your love obviously did not use a condom. If you were thinking about breaking up with herthe pregnancy might be a trap. Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. Heh, are you suuuuure you still want to be a professional therapist? That isnt the case. In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. Ill bite. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. OH MY GOD!! These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. Take this as a lesson learned. Anyone would be angry in this situation. Thank God for the real men. Do you have a law to fix that? When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. Rarely, does a woman bring a man on the show to announce that hes pregnant and the responds with Id prefer you have an abortion.. . Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? at risk of STDs. P.S. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. He hides me as well as the other girl. I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. Solved. it happens. Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. As much as men have some inherent advantages, women do as well, and one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. Jimmy and Susie are in love. When you split up with someone, you SPLIT UP. He didnt marry you. Im simply responding to the information in the letter because, not knowing these people personally, I have nothing else to go on. 2. A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. Fine, Ill support you in raising the child, but Im not prepared to be a dad. Yes, it is the less than desirable course to take but he is, in a way, owning up to his responsibility (monetarily). Doesnt matter if it has a sign on it that says dont shake takes arms off if explodes!. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. Will he react the same? And WHY did he not practice safe sex since he only knew her 2 minutes? April 10, 2012, 6:26 pm. 4. Admirable restraint indeed. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. And I tend to agree that with certain situations, men end up with the raw end of the deal. I dont think a woman should ever have to have an abortion, but if the father decides early on that he doesnt want the child, I think he should have the same rights to get out of it as the woman does. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. As a child who was raised by my mother and saw neither hair nor hide of my biological father, who diligently paid child support, Ive turned out for the better. Thats nature, Tim. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. Why do you assume everything is so laid back though? Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. How does your law see that both get what they want? You two seems very good at twisting everyones words, and then getting mad at those people for it. I dont think anyones saying that. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. Yes, he had unprotected sex. Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. Her body, her choice, he had NOTHING to do with it. Does that change your opinion? Which, if youll recall, honey, was what we were discussing in the first place before you sidetracked us. Man is in quotes becuase no man abandons a woman that he impregnates. And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. Both of those things cant be true, LW. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. SweetsAndBeats and our The pull out method? Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. Thats precisely the incentive structure feminism (and the paternity laws that followed) have created. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. The fact that you can find examples of a law being broken doesnt make the law just or valid. I cried and felt so depressed. Wanting nothing to do with his child, which like it or not seems to be coming, is not acceptable- and a mature girlfriend would help him to see that these are the cards hes been dealt, and that he now has to work with them. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. They dont want to have spirited logical debate, they want to vent and lash out at people. She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. i completely agree, it is both parties responsibilities to make sure they are preventing pregnancy AND stds. I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. LW says they were separated for two months. My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. This is so hard for me. If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. April 10, 2012, 10:28 am. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. BUT. And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. Shed be less of a real woman if she left the kid on its fathers doorstep and went off footloose and fancy-free while he was left to raise it all alone. It makes sense that she would do everything she could to convince us that this other woman wanting to keep the child is the worse thing ever because theyre obviously meant to be and this childs existence is a testament to the fact that their (former and/or current) relationship wasnt/isnt perfect. 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. Its Gone Downhill. Just sayin. The guy has not opted out of a childs life. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. It was definitely his decision too. Child support is, indeed, a lottery win for women, by which they compel men who had nothing to do with their lifestyle choices to support their lifestyle choices in the manner to which they have become accustomed. Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. April 10, 2012, 11:41 am. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicatetrying to stay friends. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. Fourth, this woman should run, not walk, from this dude. I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement.