I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 143. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 55. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Required fields are marked *. 214. 134. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. I thought you said extra fries. 37. Its okay, he woke up. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 110. I stick to things until I get to my destination. 40. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Erma Bombeck. Socrates. 148. 227. 201. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. We need to hear a pin drop. 102. 44. 211. Stuart Turner, 247. You wanna know who Im in love with? When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. When life closes a door, just open it again. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Look, youre smiling! 218. 26. 257. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. No matter what I look like. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Jackie Collins, 240. When they go away, its a brighter day. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. 56. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 278. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. Im not insulting you. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 92. Bill Murray, 258. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. This is a snap. 263. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 226. 189. 86. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. Bill Gates. If only common sense were more common. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Honolulu, its got everything. Leave me a if you agree! When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. - George Burns. 44. Enjoy! I am quite fascinating. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 33. 58. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 211. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. 114. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. 221. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Need to send some positive energy your way? "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 200. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 117. My chins are a stairway to heaven. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Bill Murray, 260. 167. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. 247. And a funny bone. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. You deserve it! 183. 180. 15. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 268. 187. Learn sign language, its very handy. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 1. 210. 164. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. But sometimes affirmations may not work. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Its called tomorrow. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 136. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 8. 7. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Batwoman: single. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 116. Bill Murray, 251. They planet. 122. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 181. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 266. 17. They log in. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 271. Some when they enter, others when they leave. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. My mistakes dont define me. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 144. 21. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. My liver still works. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 4. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. A mind is like a parachute. Your habits become your values. A backbone. 69. I did not trip and fall. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 97. Really? What is the tallest building in the entire world? Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 225. It just plain forms. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? I have committed to being my most outstanding self. 52. You try again, but no sound is coming out. 86. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 230. 275. 27. Live life to the fullest. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Youre not tequila., 5. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. You can only be young once. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Can February march? 84. 77. I thought you said extra fries. 7. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Flip Wilson 272. 36. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . 162. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. 9. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. 57. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Albert King. 3. Good morning! Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. You can't wait for inspiration. Breasts dont have eyes. 232. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. I always find something funny in every situation. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Not me, but somebody does. 114. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 1. Youre talking to yourself. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 9. 103. 8. 165. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. 9. 71. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Its a door, thats how they work. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Actually, you dont have to imagine. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. - F. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 195. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. 218. You were too lazy to read that number. Microchips. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 267. I am attractive just as I am. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 20. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Im describing you. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. A backbone. You can only be young once. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Decomposing. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 104. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 172. "If you see me talking to myself. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Your life is your message to the world. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! 206. How do trees access the internet? 126. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". 24. 210. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 24. 198. I am too lazy to be lazy. Positive mindset affirmations. 40. There are endless opportunities. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 3. - Jack London. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Short Funny Quotes. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 245. Chop your own wood. Jackie Collins 202. 3. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 254. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. I dont want to fix my spending habits. 2. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Robert Bloch. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Focus on the positives and be grateful. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. 121. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. And a funny bone. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. Microchips. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. Your email address will not be published. My son is now an entrepreneur. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. 174. I am lazy till I get a motive. Why is England the wettest country? 1. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. 232. 50. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. 3. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? -Gandhi. "Disconnect to connect.". In between, I am alive. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 83. Milton Berle, 245. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. 177. 243. 122. I get up, dress up, and show up. 138. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. I can always be fatter. 96. Funny Affirmations. 1. Steve Martin Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. 89. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Love your enemies. 199. We all need a little energy boost here and there. I love my job only when Im on vacation. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. A gummy bear. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? 187. 31. 46. Bill Murray I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. How do astronomers organize a party? What do you call a bear with no teeth? 4. I never apologize. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Stuart Turner 223. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. 175. Dave Barry. 79. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". 96. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 184. I want to afford them., 2. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 6. Czech proverb, 261. 19. I tell you what always catches my eye. I receive what I believe. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. I am awesome. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Never judge a book by its movie. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. My mom scolds me for no reason. It may feel useless but just get into it. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. Ive got three bones. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 231. 99. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 8. 9. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. It will warm you twice unknown. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. 174. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. 248. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. 175. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 103. 75. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Don't forget to be awesome. 113. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. Alison Boulter I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 133. 10. It has nothing new to tell you. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 22. What do you call a bear with no teeth? What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. - Bette Midler. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 23. Words have the power to make or break us. 48. 23. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. 27. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 249. 189. I can create positive change in the world. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Short people with an umbrella. 84. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. - Donald Trump. 141. Its okay, he woke up. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Life begins on Friday night. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. 203. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 119. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 163. I am constantly growing and improving. Funny Daily Affirmations. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. 117. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. I train my body. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Walter Bagehot We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
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