Not getting the right treatment, not knowing how to deal with depression and then having the pressure to get into physical intimacy is not a good mix. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. That way both of our sex drive would be fairly low Im a good looking hard-working big hearted man and I immediately told her you better well I dont wanna hurt you. Sex ended, period. We have had little to no connection with them since. How about just being happy with love and affection? Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. You are so right, I should leave but feel guilty, leaving over sex. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. My husband had 19 affairs. Having a regular marriage check-in can help you keep an eye on your relationship and ensure you are satisfied with how much time you spend together in the bedroom. Choosing a date of the week for example, in which she will be the one to request it. Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. Im just trying to talk to her and it pisses her off anytime I bring it up Im tired of masturbating two to three times a week so I can focus on the everyday things Im going on 33 years of marriage and this started at 15 years. Take your time and show your wife youre not in a hurry. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. married 57 years. I so badly need a woman ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. We started dating in high school and never separated. Ive tried everything I can think of but Ive given up. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. My wife lost interest in sex years ago. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. This was an enlightening comment and reflects what has been my marriage for 35 years. I think if my husband was interested in sex, even if it is too small and limp now, he would at least try to help ease my throbbing desire. I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. And lastly, dont discount masturbation as a solution. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. NOw he works well and Im proud of him for that. I need to be held by a mature woman and caressed and brought to orgasm. I am new to this. In particular, most women cannot reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. Most women are unforgiving and never say theyre sorry for the crap they pull, and stop providing or enjoying sex on that basis. Over 12 years no sexual contact. None of us know how to read, converse or think. Think of the biblical verse Ecclesiastes 3. We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. The first step toward addressing this oft-tricky issue is to understand why your wife is acting distant and avoiding being intimate with you. If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. Dont you love anything? Super heart broken!!! That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? Shes not. Im 69 and still active. I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her? If your penis does not work, attempt to fix it. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. This is so depressing!! A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. I hope that she too will woo me, always, as well. His needs count too. For many of us, male and female, the virtue of sex resides in the shared experience. This whole situation sucks for all of us. . Quite frankly, I feel like he has been and is being cheated. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. My wife of 35 years and I have always had difficulty sexually. I dont know where to start. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. Tell her that you love her. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. 57mwm here. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. Except that one little thing. She was before marriage. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and shes been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. I just gave up. Sex is not just about giving what you get, its about an experience that both partners should enjoy equally. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. I have often thought about having an affair but I just dont know how to approach going that direction. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. When emotional intimacy dies a slow death in your relationship, its possible that it could signal an affair. I honestly dont know what happens to men as they age. It will never balance out. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! Someone on the side. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. I have tried joint with promises of renewal and never worked. If I was younger, much younger I would have more options. If you notice your wife acting awkward or becoming extremely tense when you try to touch her, it means she is not liking the fact that you are being physical. I have the same situation you describe, almost to a T. The only thing thats worse is that my husband is sneakily still interested in porn and satisfying himself when Im not around. The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? Still in love with Vicky. Key points. Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. We both have health issues I gotta stop coming here and reading this. Turns out childhood trauma caused me to have an attachment disorder which in turn caused subconscious intimacy anxiety which would then cause me to suffer from severe sexual dysfunctions which turned out to be unfixable. Illness, marital issues, motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. That can happen because of a lack of communication, a lack of understanding or just misinterpreting what their spouse is thinking. Nope. She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! etc. Wish I could off you more of a solution but I think things either go on the way they are or there has to be come conclusion. Stay single, young men, Marriage is not for you. Id say he has some other issues. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Or make a deal with him, sounds very strong at 76. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. about this, nothing will change. I mean how do you do that if your married? He doesbt accept the limitations of my back injury. If that is not possible, it may be too late. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. Thank you for sharing! . And LATINA. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. Hi Mary I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. Men dont want to force their wives into sex, nor do they want to beg for it. A pill? Be a fuckin man. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. Divorced quickly. Men empathize with women in a way that women do not with men; men *want* to make decisions that benefit women, individually and as a group (the Women are Wonderful effect, which both men and women exhibit). So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. It wont fix the sexless marriage. Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. If he would quit his demands, realize Im not who I was, be cheerful and easy, love life and just lighten up, Id make sure he is sexually satisfied WAY MORE OFTEN. If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. Too bad; I truly live him but I dont need the stress. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. !, so we better act tough, ya know! Honor us with attention and physical contact. She doesnt even let me see her naked. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. I guess. I am 60 and my wife has zero interest in sex, was never real sexual, but after menopause, it is zero. Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. She is 33. What to about it: Have an earnest, exploratory conversation with each other about what sex means to you both as individuals, and then talk about how you can create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you. Who risks? So as partners age, sometimes we have to stop asking for what is too painful for them to give. If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. About ten months ago she started yelling at me whenever I put my arms around her. If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. That is love. Bull. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? She can just kiss my butt. Porn is the no. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! If these thoughts are not at the forefront of your relational mind, well, your (our) love(s) and relationships may in fact die. The scenario you posited is anything but. My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. But it isnt. I never signed up to be married and not getting sex. There is no hope for this relationship. Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. It can be helpful to have this conversation with the help of a sexuality professional, such as a sex therapist or coach. Marriage is hard work, but worth every moment when the effort is reciprocated. No sex for about 20 years. Mike it could be only your fault if you are not touching her! You know what I dont need to know the answer. Women wont mention it because the rejection we feel each time he puts us off, says no or does not respond to our sexual advances chips away at our self confidence and our souls as being sexually vibrant women even in our late sixties. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. She wanted me to be sexual with her, but would not reciprocate. My (50m) wife (48f) and I had a great sexual relationship for most of our marriage. I am very attracted sexually to my wife and it hurts my ego that she isnt at all. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes.